4 years ago, I had my life planned. I guess you can say I could see into my own future. I envisioned me, a HBCU graduate walking barefoot across a freshly done bamboo wood floor in white linen with a fresh fruit smoothie in my hand and dreds to the middle of my back. I live alone. I'm working on my graduate school. I'm wealthy and content. Not overly rich, but I have money. I live a low stress life. I'm single. No kids. No girlfriend. I don't know what I do as a career but I know I'm not overworked and I know I help people. I might be on an island or a very quiet neighborhood. There is very little noise and lots of sunshine and serenity. I can see a very minimal amount of furniture. Maybe a breakfast table for two, a bookshelf, and a couch. Possibly a tv and a macbook. More books than anything though. My walls are adorned with magnificent works of art. My kitchen is the most ornate room of the house. I follow a very holistic approach to food and eat healthy. No fast food. No take out. No soda. No pork.
Honestly, my ultimate goal in life is to be happy. Not relying on anyone else to make me happy or make me whole, but to be absolutely happy and peaceful. I want a minimal amount of stress.
This vision always makes me happy. Possibly because every time I would see this vision I would see a woman with so much poise, class and humility. She's beautiful in the most astonishing way. Not the cover of the magazine beauty, but the type of beauty that emanates from the soul. Her smile is warm and soft and reaches all the way to the depths of her dark brown eyes. Her hair is perfectly manicured and free of chemicals and relaxers. Her skin is the smoothest mahogany brown. Her eyes are clear and alert. Her body is healthy. She had her own mind.
This lifestyle symbolizes freedom. The white denotes a greater spirituality and a better bond with God. She's a vegetarian. Anti-cruelty and very privy to world matters yet enclosed in a state of peace and serenity in her adobe.
There are other components to her life, but I want to focus on the peace and serenity. I'm on a quest to be at peace with myself. That involves eliminating all those causing controversy and disarray. I guess deep down inside I really am a homebody. This life choice came after the disillusion of my first relationship and I realized that love is not forever and I can not base my life on the dreams of someone else. I always said I don't plan on getting married. Since my parents divorced, I never believed in it. I figured it was just a ceremony. The vows don't change people. Taking me to the alter won't make you any less of a cheater. Unfortunately I met her and fell in love. I never planned in a million years to be with her the rest of my life. My love for her and conflicting goals definitely butted heads a few times. For the last 3 years me and her have been going back and forth about what we want. She says she wants me, but her actions don't show it. I say I want her but my pride is not going for it. We planned on getting married. But i cant give her what she wants. Love isn't going to make us perfect. So i guess I'm playing it by ear. If she switches her style, and her plans coincide with my plans then we'll be good. She always said she wanted to be in my life. She wanted to be the one to alter my plans. She wanted to be a part of my dream. I must admit, she had me open to the idea. When I said I'd have her kids, I meant it. But that was before she started stressing me. I guess, if she changes her plans, mine will change on their own.
P.S. I've been going natural for 7 months now. Well, i permed the front of my head in June. Why the front and not the back? IDK. I had a half quick weave and the straight hair wouldnt blend well with my naps. Go figure.
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