"just cuz I love you and you love me, it doesn't mean that we're meant to be."
You ever liked somebody sooo much and wanted them to be as awesome inside as they look outside? You ever meet somebody and yall instantly clicked then out of nowhere they have these horrible character flaws and you see them as irreconcilable differences? A love that could have blossomed so big and beautiful cut short by some of their decisions. You know they don't meet your standards, but you really want to compromise. You tart making excuses for their behavior start accepting some of the shit you don't like because what you do like is so appealing. They're not your ideal mate, but maybe with a little work... No. Just stop it. Never go into a relationship trying to change a person. It won't work. And you'll end up fucked, hurt and mad as hell for wasting all your time on someone you knew you weren't compatible with.
"why do we love love when love seems to hate us?"
I guess the same reason I still want to get to know this girl better. She can't be all bad. There has to be a story behind her reckless behavior.
*sigh* i'll never get enough.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Random Shit v2
New style. Yet again.
I DO NOT LOOK LIKE JENNIFER HUDSON!
Just because we're both a little plus size do not mean we look alike!
My life is failing.
I have two D's.
Precal and First Yr. Seminar.
I hate that damn seminar class.
almost as much as i hate precal.
I hate people who wont help me more.
fck ass niggas.
I wish i was taller.
5'9 would be good.
And about.... 50 lbs lighter.
I carry my weight well.
But its too much work to LOOK slender.
I need to be slender.
These shoes are SO the business!
but they dont LOOK like $600.00 shoes to me.
I'd rather get some Zanotti's or something if ima be breaking bread.
ok. gotta go!
see yaaa!
I DO NOT LOOK LIKE JENNIFER HUDSON!
Just because we're both a little plus size do not mean we look alike!
My life is failing.
I have two D's.
Precal and First Yr. Seminar.
I hate that damn seminar class.
almost as much as i hate precal.
I hate people who wont help me more.
fck ass niggas.
I wish i was taller.
5'9 would be good.
And about.... 50 lbs lighter.
I carry my weight well.
But its too much work to LOOK slender.
I need to be slender.
These shoes are SO the business!
but they dont LOOK like $600.00 shoes to me.
I'd rather get some Zanotti's or something if ima be breaking bread.
ok. gotta go!
see yaaa!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Slave narratives
We have been watching the slave narratives in my humanities class. Its crazy for me to hear the stories of these people and watch as society brushes our history under the rug as nothing more than a stain on Americas' retched past. That's what america wants. They want us to forget where we've come from. Disregard the trials of our past so we won't know what strength we hold. They bred us for our strength. We were held in captivity, separated from our families and they tried to break our spirits. And now they want to speak about equality? For over 100 years we were used, worked, disrespected, treated like animals, forced to be uneducated because we could bring the white man profit. They sold us. They killed us. They terrorized us. They beat us. They laughed at our beautiful dark skin; while they burned in the sunlight. Mocked our coarse thick hair as if we had something to be ashamed of. They raped our women and beat our young. And they talk about inhumanity. Now they wonder where our anger comes from and wonder why our young black men are so rambunctious. While rich white men talk about justice and rights they shack us up in shit holes. Forcing us to sleep on wire and grass cots in the harsh winter colds. How could someone do that? We are people too! I have arms, legs, hands and a brain just like the white man. I speak like the white man. I even have religion like the white man; i'm sitting here having a conversation with the white man but yet you still don't have a problem with beating me and forcing me into labor. Where is the justice in that? Where is the compassion? Where is the humanity??? You chain me and shackle me. You whip me raw. Sic your damn dogs on me. Spit on me. And try to force me to bend to your will. Hundreds of years you keep my people in these conditions. Yet you don't understand our discontent. You don't know where our anger comes from. You can't fathom why we would be so bent on exhibiting our brute force. Our freedom was proclaimed in 1865. Its 2008. And our black men are still enslaved. The racism is still alive. Ignorance and stereotypes are still being taught to each new generation. Hate is still being bred. We have our first black presidential candidate and these fucking rednecks can't get with the idea. They can't see how this biracial man can have the intellect to surpass any other WHITE man vying for presidency and become the forerunner of the democratic party. The more shit changes the more it stays the same. SHAME shame!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Yet another weekend
I went to miami friday night. I had a blast. Stayed in saturday. Went out again too miami on sunday. Friday was interesting because all of my other friends who did not ride with me were drunk as shit and made me laugh soo much! Sunday on the other hand was... Odd in the least. Of course I hate miami on sundays largely due to the "variety show" that takes place from 11 to 2. But when the dance floor opened up I was too amped! My atl chick was with me and we caked all night. It was lovely! Too bad all the bitches was thirsty for her ass. Like... I couldn't turn my back on her before another bitch was jocking A.C. She's so fckin hot. I got some interesting truths from her. I like her, I think she would be cool and a pretty good girlfriend, but her life is like one big inebriated mess. Like... Who gets drunk on a monday night when they have shit to do the next day? Moral of the story; drunkeness isn't always sexy. Sober up for at least part of your life.
P.s. My whammy has suck ass taste in women. Oh, that's right! She just likes nice bodies. Fck face and personality. Just be skinny! Ugh. Fck her life. Im over her for the moment.
P.s. My whammy has suck ass taste in women. Oh, that's right! She just likes nice bodies. Fck face and personality. Just be skinny! Ugh. Fck her life. Im over her for the moment.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
oh no!
my cell phone is broken.
as is my laptop.
my life is overr.
the end.
Chaaddd... tell mommy and daddy plz.
k thx.
as is my laptop.
my life is overr.
the end.
Chaaddd... tell mommy and daddy plz.
k thx.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Dear ebony
Dear ebony,
I know I don't know you and we haven't been formally introuduced but its obvious by all the love and support I see that you should be someone I know. Just sunday I was laughing at your antics in the club and dancing next to you. And 6 hrs later you're lying in a hospital bed with all sorts of tubes hooked up to you. I mean, I just saw you sitting next to me hugging and kissing your girlfriend and now you're in icu with your loved ones crying and praying over you. It shows me how precious and fragile life is. Honey, I wish I could reach out to you and tell you I want you to get better. I want to be a friend to you. I want you to be ok because the times isn't right for you to go. I know you are loved and nobody wants to see you hurt. This shows me that our individual lifes are all intertwined. Like, I don't even know you but my heart hurts for you. I want you to get better ebony. And I hope you have a full and complete recovery. Get well soon dear.
Sincerely,
chinksz
The girl you never met
I know I don't know you and we haven't been formally introuduced but its obvious by all the love and support I see that you should be someone I know. Just sunday I was laughing at your antics in the club and dancing next to you. And 6 hrs later you're lying in a hospital bed with all sorts of tubes hooked up to you. I mean, I just saw you sitting next to me hugging and kissing your girlfriend and now you're in icu with your loved ones crying and praying over you. It shows me how precious and fragile life is. Honey, I wish I could reach out to you and tell you I want you to get better. I want to be a friend to you. I want you to be ok because the times isn't right for you to go. I know you are loved and nobody wants to see you hurt. This shows me that our individual lifes are all intertwined. Like, I don't even know you but my heart hurts for you. I want you to get better ebony. And I hope you have a full and complete recovery. Get well soon dear.
Sincerely,
chinksz
The girl you never met
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Friday nightcap
RIP hector
Who are you?
Under all the fakeness, The "who should I be todays" , and the "who do they want to see", who are you really? Take away the facade; the I'm so cocky demeanor.
Loose this god forsaken barrier and be honest. Who are you? Remove all the preconceived notions and stop acting on what you think they expect from you. Do what's in your heart and on your mind. You cant be that bad all the time. Be true to the spirit that dwells within you. Disregard these thirsty little girls who say you should do this, dress like this, act like this. I want to hear your heart speak; so I can see if this is meant to be. At this stage I wont call you friend, but I dare not call you enemy, until I get to see the person they don't see. Any bitch can be hard in the streets. Any bitch can be a baller and any bitch can get hoes. But I wanna know what you can do. What's different that you bring to the table? Cute can only take you so far. Swag can only get you to level 2. What is the extent of your mental capacity? Could you enjoy a date with me void of nudity, vulgarity and profanity? Can you sit beneath the stars with me and speak from your soul? Could I take you on a spiritual journey exploring the depths of my being? I know within you you have to be some kind of wonderful. Be yourself. Not who these girls make you into. I want to know the woman who lies within you. So again, I ask, not really expecting an answer, who are you?
Loose this god forsaken barrier and be honest. Who are you? Remove all the preconceived notions and stop acting on what you think they expect from you. Do what's in your heart and on your mind. You cant be that bad all the time. Be true to the spirit that dwells within you. Disregard these thirsty little girls who say you should do this, dress like this, act like this. I want to hear your heart speak; so I can see if this is meant to be. At this stage I wont call you friend, but I dare not call you enemy, until I get to see the person they don't see. Any bitch can be hard in the streets. Any bitch can be a baller and any bitch can get hoes. But I wanna know what you can do. What's different that you bring to the table? Cute can only take you so far. Swag can only get you to level 2. What is the extent of your mental capacity? Could you enjoy a date with me void of nudity, vulgarity and profanity? Can you sit beneath the stars with me and speak from your soul? Could I take you on a spiritual journey exploring the depths of my being? I know within you you have to be some kind of wonderful. Be yourself. Not who these girls make you into. I want to know the woman who lies within you. So again, I ask, not really expecting an answer, who are you?
Thursday, October 9, 2008
self [diagnosed] hatersz
Ok, I'm sure you've all ran across one before. You know the type, that always claim to have all these "haters" yet you find yourself wondering "what is there to hate?" It's like... if you're at the same socioeconomic level as I am, doing the same shit day to day and struggling with the same issues.... WHY do you think anybody as hating? Speaking for myself, I'm 19, a college sophomore who is well on her way to accomplishing all her dreams; what is there to be envious of anybody for? Bitch if yu got something I don't have i'm going to congratulate you because obviously you are on your shit. The common thing I hear people say they are getting hated on for is their looks... When I see a pretty girl... my first thing is to try to get at her. Not envy her. I'm a pretty girl my damn self so anywhere your looks can take you, mine can take me. I'm in college so I'm pretty sure anything you know I can learn if I don't already know and when I graduate I will have stacks on deck so whatever car your [daddy] bought you, I will be able to buy myself in due time.
Now if a bitch EVER gets beside herself and calls CHINKSZ a hater its because one of two things; either I took note of her 'superior than thou' demeanor (which i hate) and gave her one of my looks of death OR I straight up told her ass to get off her high horse! These girls be in the same club with everyone else... shopping at the same stores, driving themselves down the same streets, fucking the same bitches and SWEAR that somebody has a reason to hate. Honey, if im gonna hate its because yu ar eat least 5'11, less than 170 lbs, with legs with no scars,cellulite or varicose vains, and you aint never had no mosquito bites or chicken pox, and ya ass is tight and ya titties is perky with no stretch marks, and you dnt sweat too much and you got good hygiene and your smile is gorgeous your makeup is on good, your style is immaculate and your money is looking right with long thick beautiful hair that you grew yourself, you dont have to shave your mustache off or draw your eyebrows on, you're nice to people and don't sleep around, you go to church on Sunday and you dont worship the devil. If yu got all that going then i might have to marry your ass!
Insecure girls hate. I call it like it is, even if I dont like the situation. Hating is petty and childish. If you on yo shit, you on it and I need to be listening and learning instead of trying to bring you down. Take note bitches. You might learn something. Here is my video for the day.
Now if a bitch EVER gets beside herself and calls CHINKSZ a hater its because one of two things; either I took note of her 'superior than thou' demeanor (which i hate) and gave her one of my looks of death OR I straight up told her ass to get off her high horse! These girls be in the same club with everyone else... shopping at the same stores, driving themselves down the same streets, fucking the same bitches and SWEAR that somebody has a reason to hate. Honey, if im gonna hate its because yu ar eat least 5'11, less than 170 lbs, with legs with no scars,cellulite or varicose vains, and you aint never had no mosquito bites or chicken pox, and ya ass is tight and ya titties is perky with no stretch marks, and you dnt sweat too much and you got good hygiene and your smile is gorgeous your makeup is on good, your style is immaculate and your money is looking right with long thick beautiful hair that you grew yourself, you dont have to shave your mustache off or draw your eyebrows on, you're nice to people and don't sleep around, you go to church on Sunday and you dont worship the devil. If yu got all that going then i might have to marry your ass!
Insecure girls hate. I call it like it is, even if I dont like the situation. Hating is petty and childish. If you on yo shit, you on it and I need to be listening and learning instead of trying to bring you down. Take note bitches. You might learn something. Here is my video for the day.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Common Misconceptions
Ok, Me and my nigga B.Gatesz was having a serious conversation last night... and we decided to address some common issues.
B Gatez (10/7/2008 1:56:53 AM): jus cuz a bitch put on 30 diff colors doesnt mean she is retro. jus a random thought
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 1:57:00 AM): lmfaooo
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 1:57:19 AM): jes because a bitch shop at goodwill and salvation army does not mean she is vintage or a fashion whore!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 1:57:30 AM): yyyyyessss bitch, lol
B Gatez (10/7/2008 1:58:23 AM): jus cuz u take picz outside somewhere and do that whole "look away from the camera" thing...doesnt make u a model
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 1:58:53 AM): jes because a bitch can take her clothes off and lay seductively on a carpet does not mean she needs to be in king!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 1:59:03 AM): lmao
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 1:59:39 AM): jes because some nigga yu kno got a camera and a few hoes who get semi nude in front of the camera does NOT mean you're a signed model
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 1:59:46 AM): bitch yu jes get naked for a lil cash
B Gatez (10/7/2008 1:59:58 AM): yyyessss!! LMAO
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:00:47 AM): just because yu major in mass media DOES NOT mean you're gonna be a star one day!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:00:57 AM): lmao u are def on a roll
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:01:13 AM): or just because yu major in psychology DOES NOT mean yu can analyze me
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:01:41 AM): ooo i got one....jus cuz u photoshop ALL ya picz and get hella commentz on em..doesnt make u pretty!!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:02:02 AM): lmaooo
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:02:33 AM): Just because You used the money yo momma gave yu for tuition and went on a shopping spree does not make you a fashionista!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:02:39 AM): yyyessss
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:02:53 AM): just because yu shop at Urban Outfitters DOES NOT make you part of the "in" crowd!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:03:11 AM): knowin all the words to all the latest songs does not make you a music junkie
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:03:23 AM): lmfaooo
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:03:35 AM): jus cuz u can match some clothes together doesnt mean u can actually dress
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:03:49 AM): Just because yu can recite Lil Wayne tit for tat DOES NOT make YOU hiphop
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:03:55 AM): lmao
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:04:21 AM): just because yu can dance flawlessly in 6" heels DOES NOT make yu a strippper!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:04:26 AM): oh my bad... YES IT DOES!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:04:27 AM): lmaoooo
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:05:35 AM): oooo
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:05:52 AM): jes because yu was cheap and couldnt afford no more perms does NOT make yu afrocentric!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:06:06 AM): DDDAAAMMMNN!! lmao good one. damn good one lol
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:06:13 AM): lol
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:06:35 AM): just because yu got over a thousand friends on FaceBook or Myspace does not make you Mr/Ms Popularity!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:06:50 AM): amen! amen! amen!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:07:38 AM): jus cuz im gay doesnt mean ima want anything with a fuqqin vagina. i hate homophobes
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:07:52 AM): lmaoo! true!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:07:53 AM): ooo
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:08:00 AM): Just because im gay doesnt mean ima hoe!!!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:08:24 AM): or Just because she's bi doesnt mean she's a greedy slut [in most cases]
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:08:44 AM): no. she's def a greedy slut. lol
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:09:05 AM): lmaooo
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:09:21 AM): jus because you can make a bitch cum doesnt mean ya sex game is on point.
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:09:27 AM): good one!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:09:31 AM): lol
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:09:34 AM): better yet
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:09:42 AM): Just because the bitch moan dont mean yu made her cum!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:09:47 AM): yyyessssss
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:09:59 AM): ooo bitch
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:10:16 AM): Just because yu rock sneakers and fitted dnt mean yu on yo new york shit NOR do yu have swag
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:10:29 AM): amen!!! amen!!! lmaoooo
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:10:47 AM): jus cuz u got a few pair of nice shoez doesnt make you a sneakerhead
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:11:06 AM): Just because yu FROM NY or CALI doesnt mean yu know SHIT about fashion or swag!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:11:24 AM): Just because yu from the South dnt mean yu Country wit diamonds in ya mouth!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:13:00 AM): Just because yu talk to GD does not make yu a slut!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:13:06 AM): hold on
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:13:07 AM): wait.... yes it does!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:13:09 AM): wait a minute now
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:13:10 AM): lmao
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:13:12 AM): lmao
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:13:23 AM): lol
I promise, we were on a roll!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 1:56:53 AM): jus cuz a bitch put on 30 diff colors doesnt mean she is retro. jus a random thought
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 1:57:00 AM): lmfaooo
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 1:57:19 AM): jes because a bitch shop at goodwill and salvation army does not mean she is vintage or a fashion whore!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 1:57:30 AM): yyyyyessss bitch, lol
B Gatez (10/7/2008 1:58:23 AM): jus cuz u take picz outside somewhere and do that whole "look away from the camera" thing...doesnt make u a model
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 1:58:53 AM): jes because a bitch can take her clothes off and lay seductively on a carpet does not mean she needs to be in king!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 1:59:03 AM): lmao
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 1:59:39 AM): jes because some nigga yu kno got a camera and a few hoes who get semi nude in front of the camera does NOT mean you're a signed model
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 1:59:46 AM): bitch yu jes get naked for a lil cash
B Gatez (10/7/2008 1:59:58 AM): yyyessss!! LMAO
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:00:47 AM): just because yu major in mass media DOES NOT mean you're gonna be a star one day!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:00:57 AM): lmao u are def on a roll
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:01:13 AM): or just because yu major in psychology DOES NOT mean yu can analyze me
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:01:41 AM): ooo i got one....jus cuz u photoshop ALL ya picz and get hella commentz on em..doesnt make u pretty!!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:02:02 AM): lmaooo
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:02:33 AM): Just because You used the money yo momma gave yu for tuition and went on a shopping spree does not make you a fashionista!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:02:39 AM): yyyessss
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:02:53 AM): just because yu shop at Urban Outfitters DOES NOT make you part of the "in" crowd!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:03:11 AM): knowin all the words to all the latest songs does not make you a music junkie
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:03:23 AM): lmfaooo
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:03:35 AM): jus cuz u can match some clothes together doesnt mean u can actually dress
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:03:49 AM): Just because yu can recite Lil Wayne tit for tat DOES NOT make YOU hiphop
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:03:55 AM): lmao
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:04:21 AM): just because yu can dance flawlessly in 6" heels DOES NOT make yu a strippper!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:04:26 AM): oh my bad... YES IT DOES!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:04:27 AM): lmaoooo
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:05:35 AM): oooo
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:05:52 AM): jes because yu was cheap and couldnt afford no more perms does NOT make yu afrocentric!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:06:06 AM): DDDAAAMMMNN!! lmao good one. damn good one lol
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:06:13 AM): lol
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:06:35 AM): just because yu got over a thousand friends on FaceBook or Myspace does not make you Mr/Ms Popularity!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:06:50 AM): amen! amen! amen!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:07:38 AM): jus cuz im gay doesnt mean ima want anything with a fuqqin vagina. i hate homophobes
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:07:52 AM): lmaoo! true!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:07:53 AM): ooo
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:08:00 AM): Just because im gay doesnt mean ima hoe!!!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:08:24 AM): or Just because she's bi doesnt mean she's a greedy slut [in most cases]
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:08:44 AM): no. she's def a greedy slut. lol
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:09:05 AM): lmaooo
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:09:21 AM): jus because you can make a bitch cum doesnt mean ya sex game is on point.
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:09:27 AM): good one!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:09:31 AM): lol
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:09:34 AM): better yet
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:09:42 AM): Just because the bitch moan dont mean yu made her cum!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:09:47 AM): yyyessssss
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:09:59 AM): ooo bitch
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:10:16 AM): Just because yu rock sneakers and fitted dnt mean yu on yo new york shit NOR do yu have swag
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:10:29 AM): amen!!! amen!!! lmaoooo
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:10:47 AM): jus cuz u got a few pair of nice shoez doesnt make you a sneakerhead
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:11:06 AM): Just because yu FROM NY or CALI doesnt mean yu know SHIT about fashion or swag!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:11:24 AM): Just because yu from the South dnt mean yu Country wit diamonds in ya mouth!
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:13:00 AM): Just because yu talk to GD does not make yu a slut!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:13:06 AM): hold on
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:13:07 AM): wait.... yes it does!
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:13:09 AM): wait a minute now
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:13:10 AM): lmao
B Gatez (10/7/2008 2:13:12 AM): lmao
Chinkz Couture (10/7/2008 2:13:23 AM): lol
I promise, we were on a roll!
tonight is not a good night :/
So i take my time. Formulate what I want to say, how I want to say it, which words would be most effective in conveying my perspective. I take the time to think critically and decide which form of communication would be most efficient. And you dead my progress with a few simple words. ["let's talk tomorrow"] and me being the uber sweetheart i am i smile pleasantly and acquiesce to your demands. Feeling the discontent growing with every syllable you utter. I dont know how to handle this. I'm trying to do everything in my power to avoid confrontation and conflict. Yet every time I let it slide I feel more and more disappointed with myself. Honey, how can I say this delicately without hurting your feelings? You don't deserve half of the shit I allow you to get away with. I dont want the headaches so I dont start the argument. I'm starting to think im being fake to myself because I feel a certain way and I haven't spoken on it. You say tomorrow... but the tomorrow you speaks of will never come. What do you want from me? Yes, I like you. With that comes the desire to be admired and adored by you. Yes I want attention from you. Why is that a bad thing?? Yes I et upset when I dont get the attention I feel you should give me. This is how a crush works. You need to put out equal amounts of what a put in. Duh! Tomorrow.... is the last day. Mark My Words.
Now on to [you]
I dont know what this rift is between us that I'm feeling but its been there for the last week. We went from talking and chilling all day to you hiding shit from me and keeping secrets. Aren't we supposed to be friends? So why do I feel such distance between us? Why do I feel like you're separating yourself from me? I'm not sure if its my mind playing tricks on me or if this is real. As friends we should be able to talk about this, but you allegedly feel as if I'll be unresponsive and I'm still not sure if there really is distance or im just tripping. ugh. I don't even know how to talk to you anymore. Have I done something to offend you? Have I stepped outside of the predetermined boundaries of this friendship without being aware of it? Have my subconscious desires been portrayed in my actions? Am I doing too much and I dont even know it? I mean really! what's going on?? And why arent we able to be open and frank about it like fckin grown ups? If you feel a certain way why wont you just say it? I havent said anything because I dont even know if there is a problem!! ugh! This situation needs to work itself out. ASAP. Get over or get lost.
Now on to [you]
I dont know what this rift is between us that I'm feeling but its been there for the last week. We went from talking and chilling all day to you hiding shit from me and keeping secrets. Aren't we supposed to be friends? So why do I feel such distance between us? Why do I feel like you're separating yourself from me? I'm not sure if its my mind playing tricks on me or if this is real. As friends we should be able to talk about this, but you allegedly feel as if I'll be unresponsive and I'm still not sure if there really is distance or im just tripping. ugh. I don't even know how to talk to you anymore. Have I done something to offend you? Have I stepped outside of the predetermined boundaries of this friendship without being aware of it? Have my subconscious desires been portrayed in my actions? Am I doing too much and I dont even know it? I mean really! what's going on?? And why arent we able to be open and frank about it like fckin grown ups? If you feel a certain way why wont you just say it? I havent said anything because I dont even know if there is a problem!! ugh! This situation needs to work itself out. ASAP. Get over or get lost.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Little 5 Points
So today I went on a trip to Little 5 points with The Musician and MY Design Star. It was funnn[see pictures below]. I didnt get to actually shop because we got there late, but I enjoyed seeing the stores and knowing what was available. I also know how to get there by my damn self now. My ATL John showed up and rescued us so we didn't have to take public transportation at night. You know shit gets scary when you're not in your home state! Unfortunately she dropped a damn bomb on me and told me she got a girlfriend! Oh how I wish she was still straight and my only competition was some lame ass niggas. She is a really nice person. I want to get to know her better because I know there is a story beyond the facade and I want to know more.
Speaking of facades... My Whammy hit me up yesterday on some "fuck love" shit. I wish we were real friends so I would know whats wrong with her life and help her cope. I could definitely make her feel better about love and life.... but why help someone who doesn't really want [your] help? I dont think she really needs me to give her advice about her [live-in] situation considering I kinda like her and my advice would be biased, but sometimes yu jes need a kick in the ass to get your life together. If someone is showing you they couldn't care less, take it for what it's for and pack your bags and move on. It's kinda interesting watching it play out though. Seeing a sag in peril always amuses me because I often times forget they have real emotions.
NEXT! My Honey... i dnt even kno about her anymore [see how it changes day to day?] She wrecked my weekend. She was right about me wanting attention from her but WHAT THE FUCK! Who doesn't want attention from the girl they like? Who wouldn't get upset when they putting forth 100% and getting 45% in return. Like, why would i do the most when you're barely doing the bare minimum? I've cancelled my trip home until further notice. If she wants me to come home she'll find a way or make one.It's gotten to the point where I dont even want to argue with her right now. I just want her to get with the program. I feel like I've said everything I need to say; let her know how I feel and what I expect. How many chances should I give her to prove its mutual with her actions and not her words? I've showed her my cards; put it all on the table. It's up to her if she folds.
Speaking of facades... My Whammy hit me up yesterday on some "fuck love" shit. I wish we were real friends so I would know whats wrong with her life and help her cope. I could definitely make her feel better about love and life.... but why help someone who doesn't really want [your] help? I dont think she really needs me to give her advice about her [live-in] situation considering I kinda like her and my advice would be biased, but sometimes yu jes need a kick in the ass to get your life together. If someone is showing you they couldn't care less, take it for what it's for and pack your bags and move on. It's kinda interesting watching it play out though. Seeing a sag in peril always amuses me because I often times forget they have real emotions.
NEXT! My Honey... i dnt even kno about her anymore [see how it changes day to day?] She wrecked my weekend. She was right about me wanting attention from her but WHAT THE FUCK! Who doesn't want attention from the girl they like? Who wouldn't get upset when they putting forth 100% and getting 45% in return. Like, why would i do the most when you're barely doing the bare minimum? I've cancelled my trip home until further notice. If she wants me to come home she'll find a way or make one.It's gotten to the point where I dont even want to argue with her right now. I just want her to get with the program. I feel like I've said everything I need to say; let her know how I feel and what I expect. How many chances should I give her to prove its mutual with her actions and not her words? I've showed her my cards; put it all on the table. It's up to her if she folds.
Truth is
Truth!
I hate the way this situation played out and I was painted as the villian.
More so I hate the fact that I was too scared to verbalize my feelings toward [the virgo] and allowed the situation to get out of fucking hand.
Truth is... I liked [the virgo] a lot.
But my fear or rejection and inability to step up to the plate or to be seen as weak allowed me to fall back and let shit get twisted.
In the end I ended up looking like the pussy and the fool.
Truth is.
I need to start being real.
Fuck the world.
True story
I hate the way this situation played out and I was painted as the villian.
More so I hate the fact that I was too scared to verbalize my feelings toward [the virgo] and allowed the situation to get out of fucking hand.
Truth is... I liked [the virgo] a lot.
But my fear or rejection and inability to step up to the plate or to be seen as weak allowed me to fall back and let shit get twisted.
In the end I ended up looking like the pussy and the fool.
Truth is.
I need to start being real.
Fuck the world.
True story
baggage
How do yu plan for somethin unexpected as
Yu comin to see me with [her] on ya ass.
Snickering and giggling as I walk past.
Holding on to memories of a lovers' past.
I can't shake the feeling; its something that im missing.
I close my eyes && all I see is yu two kissing.
Yur hands on her body; making new positions.
Yu moving so fluidly; in and out like a piston.
Im trippin. Why are these feelings consuming me?
Maybe because I had visions of it being just yu and me.
But yu decided against it and made two turn into three.
And i dnt care what they say; we all kno thats company.
But yu say things arent the way they seem;
The relationship now is not obscene.
Just friends. Platonic as things can be.
But thats only the fact cuz someone else intervened.
Im over this; cant take the stress of feeling like im second best.
Plead yur case, but nonetheless. Im moving on; away from this mess.
So be blessed and take care. Good luck with the next bitch.
Everybody has their issues. But i cant hold your baggage.
Yu comin to see me with [her] on ya ass.
Snickering and giggling as I walk past.
Holding on to memories of a lovers' past.
I can't shake the feeling; its something that im missing.
I close my eyes && all I see is yu two kissing.
Yur hands on her body; making new positions.
Yu moving so fluidly; in and out like a piston.
Im trippin. Why are these feelings consuming me?
Maybe because I had visions of it being just yu and me.
But yu decided against it and made two turn into three.
And i dnt care what they say; we all kno thats company.
But yu say things arent the way they seem;
The relationship now is not obscene.
Just friends. Platonic as things can be.
But thats only the fact cuz someone else intervened.
Im over this; cant take the stress of feeling like im second best.
Plead yur case, but nonetheless. Im moving on; away from this mess.
So be blessed and take care. Good luck with the next bitch.
Everybody has their issues. But i cant hold your baggage.
the pics are here!
these are the pictures from coronation.
makeup? [√] hair? [√] hot date? [√]
bitch im on it!
had a damn blast; then left and went to Miami && had more fun.
side note: i love my lil brother
enjoy the pics.
im out!
makeup? [√] hair? [√] hot date? [√]
bitch im on it!
had a damn blast; then left and went to Miami && had more fun.
side note: i love my lil brother
enjoy the pics.
im out!
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